When I woke up today, I wasn’t in a hurry to get out of bed. It didn’t even had anything to do with that I didn’t sleep well last night. My weekends have been like this a lot recently. I normally wake up quite early, not much later than on workdays, but I just don’t have the urge to get out of bed. That lack of energy doesn’t stop when I then finally get out of bed. Most of the times when I feel this lackluster at the start of my day, it will also be a forebode on how the rest of my day will be. Even though I really want to break through this barrier of being demotivated, not having energy, and overthinking, it is very hard to do so. That is why I sometimes decide to just let the day be what it is, and just let it be a shitty day. Tomorrow another day.

I have been overthinking a lot lately, about numerous of things that have been going on right now. These are personal and professional things. While I can forget about some of these situations quite easily, some of them keep taking over my mind. I tend to worry too much. Even though some of these worries are definitely justified, I think that I really need to learn to sometimes just let them be what they are. The problem with that, is these worries sometimes also have a personal aspect. This activates the need to protect. When giving that protection is not being received easily, the worries enter my mind again, and I will start the overthinking again.

Mostly I tend to be silent. I observe and connect dots together. When people then tell me about a problem or a certain situation, I am going into my observer mode. I want to get to the bottom of things, and solve whatever is going on. Since I’m also very impatient, I also want everything to be solved as quickly as possible. When getting to the solution takes too long, I probably will get really annoyed. That annoyance will also occur, when others don’t see some problems, or don’t see how to work to the solution. And that is mostly a me problem. Sometimes I just need to let others find their own solution, or just let them face problems and situations themselves, and not going into that protector mode myself. But that is very hard to do.

I cannot just put a stop to overthinking and worrying, but I do think that writing about this problem of mine could fix a lot already. For tomorrow I already have more of a plan, to at least keep me busy. Tuesday I need to work again, so then I mostly will be too busy to overthink and worry. It does also happen more on working days lately though, but mostly in the morning an at night after I get home. It is really energy draining, and I hate that. According to Kidlin’s Law though: “If you can write the problem down, the matter is half solved.” Of course then I also need to write down a plan, but for now that plan will be for my eyes only. It mostly has to do with setting boundaries, and maybe also think a little less about others and more about myself. Don’t know how to exactly do that yet, but that plan is under construction.

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