Suddenly nothing matters anymore when you’re above the clouds. At one point I wished the time would stand still. Then I would go outside, sit on the wing of the plane, and just gaze into the horizon. Looking at the clouds. Having a staring contest with the brightly shining sun. Maybe I would even look down. No afraid of heights, I would enjoy the view. It would be amazing. I would even wish that the time never starts running again. Just let me sit on that wing for eternity. No more getting hurt. No more betrayals. No more drama. Just me and the endless sky.
Sadly this will never happen. The time will keep on running, and within a short amount of time the plane will land again. Back with my feet on the ground. The day continues, and I will keep doing what I need to do. It also wouldn’t work to stop the time. Even though there will be no external drama, the inside wars will keep on going. With stopping the time you could maybe stop things from getting in, but you cannot stop your feeling from wanting to go out. You will always bring yourself. Stopping the time doesn’t work, even though it sounds so amazing for me at this moment.
You know, I was feeling decent recently. But now I am constantly inside my mind again. I thought going to Spain might help, but like I said, I still have to bring me and my thoughts with me. It’s like transporting your problems to another country, but that doesn’t make them go away. They will be there, until you know how to deal with them. I really hoped that this year everything would go different. No more drama. No more toxicity. But it just starts all over again, and I am done with it.
The best solution would to stop caring about this stuff, but that’s just not how I am. When something has entered my mind, I will keep thinking about it. It is just the way it is. Normally I would say that it would be good to think about these things, and thinking about the solution, but there is something different now. I am just done. At the beginning of this year, I really thought some things would change, but now I just see that nothing changes again, and I am done fighting for these changes. There is a quote about this, and it goes something like this: When I stop caring, I just go silent. Stopping to care doesn’t mean though that my thoughts will be gone as well. I’ll still have to deal with them, but I just go silent.
What I want to end this blog with, is that I believe in karma. Do bad to others, and bad will happen to you. For now I need to keep that in mind. The people who tried to get to me, will get everything back in tenfold, and I won’t even have to do anything about it. I stop caring, and let karma do its thing.